I’ve sort of ignored this tumblr for a while..
I was trying to get better.
And I sorta am, but my low self-esteem and self-hate are slowly finding their ways back into my brain, after a prolonged time of not really absence but of being ignored.
I feel extremely disgustingly fat and horrifyingly ugly.
I wish I could learn to love myself the way I am, but I can’t. I can’t stop comparing myself to every single girl I see.
And with every other person, they will always look better or have something better than I do.
I know I have to put my entire health better, but it seems impossible without a change of mind/attitude.
But so on and so forth is this battle.
Right now, all I want to do is feel good about myself, and I think that’s where I’m bad, because the only time I remember about feeling somewhat good about myself was when I weighed 96 pounds. And since then, that is all I want and strive for.
It’s unrealistic, but either way everyone has given me a premature death sentence for the mess I’ve already made of my body.
So I guess I’ll at least be happy if I die young, right?