I’ve sort of ignored this tumblr for a while..

I was trying to get better.

And I sorta am, but my low self-esteem and self-hate are slowly finding their ways back into my brain, after a prolonged time of not really absence but of being ignored.

I feel extremely disgustingly fat and horrifyingly ugly.

I wish I could learn to love myself the way I am, but I can’t. I can’t stop comparing myself to every single girl I see.

And with every other person, they will always look better or have something better than I do.

I know I have to put my entire health better, but it seems impossible without a change of mind/attitude.

But so on and so forth is this battle.

Right now, all I want to do is feel good about myself, and I think that’s where I’m bad, because the only time I remember about feeling somewhat good about myself was when I weighed 96 pounds. And since then, that is all I want and strive for.

It’s unrealistic, but either way everyone has given me a premature death sentence for the mess I’ve already made of my body.

So I guess I’ll at least be happy if I die young, right?

Kinda freaks me out to go to sleep with my blood sugar low.

I had some glucose tabs, but I won’t feel okay for at least a couple minutes.

Today, was sorta okay. Tried to last til I got home from school to eat, but my blood sugar went low again and had to eat something there.. Anyways, had a lot of fruit today, for breakfast and snack. Apple and grapes :3

Workout was interesting, sorta got lost in the class but I kept up.

Tomorrow, I could possibly weigh in, if I feel okay. Either way, it’s finally going to be Friday, this week has been hell, and next week will be even worse.

All I want to do is sleep for hours and hours, so that’s what I’m going to do.

Good Night Lovelies.

I think I’m going to try the skinny girl diet, starting tomorrow.

I know little calories isn’t a good idea, and it will eventually backfire, but I need to prove to myself that it’s not a good thing. Maybe then I’ll be able convince myself to try to lose weight the healthy way.

That is the conclusion I’ve come to, and hopefully it doesn’t turn out to be entirely horrible.

weight-l-e-s-s:

crisp—-air:

blurry—reality:

Now whenever someone says “I’m starving” when they haven’t eaten in a few hours, I just glare at them because they don’t know the first thing about what it’s like to truly starve.

okay this. or when they say “i haven’t eaten all day! … except for those few bites of this and couple of these.” excuse me. you have no idea what it is like to not have eaten anything in the entire day.

(via showme-bones-deactivated2012022)

Source: no0pee

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