Trying to get better, not like that’s being effective. Lately I’ve been thinking way too much about my weight and my body and about losing weight and about how pretty I used to be when I was smaller.
Sorta positive mentality.
I haven’t been exercising a lot lately, like barely anything other than daily activities.
I’m ashamed, but I’m tired of the same classes at the gym, and yeah, I’m trying to convince myself it’s okay not to go every single day.
For some reason, I miss the voice in my head and the excessive exercise and the cutting back on foods, I miss feeling that control.
My diabetes is getting better, but I really don’t seem to care about my health, actually.
Last week I got shitfaced drunk and had my first cigarette, today my second.
I just can’t find a reason to want to live, really, I try to and I try to be happy, but there’s ultimately nothing.
Whatever I end up doing, I hate myself and everything either way.
Seems like I’m going to go back to my old ways, and start trying to lose weight constantly and incessantly, exercising pretty much every day, and continuing with the getting shitfaced and smoking.
I don’t really fuck care, though.